fade

We now interrupt our regularly-scheduled broadcast to bring you something pretty emotional and personal. But, honestly, it's something I've been wanting to explain for a while; now that it's over, I feel like it needs to be explained now more than ever.

First, am I making this more dramatic than it needs to be? Maybe. But, you know what? That's my personality. I'm pretty emotional. Ask anyone (especially my family).

I know a few of you have already probably heard this story in full, but a lot of you haven't because it takes too much time to explain.

So.

I'm going to tell you about fade.

Like most fans I know, I discovered fade through YELLOW FRIED CHICKENz, a project started by GACKT. Jon, who was in YFCz as a second vocalist, is also the vocalist of fade. My first reaction to Jon as a member of YFCz was, naturally, "Omg he's white what is he DOING here I'm so confused." (so hypocritical) After I was over the initial shock, I decided to check out fade. I've always been a rocker chick, so their music definitely clicked with me. I followed all of the members on Twitter and even tried to start conversations. They responded. It was kind of amazing to me, as a fan, that I was being answered.

So, I think it was sometime in July? 2012 when fade announced they were starting an official street team. They wanted to increase their global activities and wanted fan/volunteer help.

I'm not going to lie and say I decided to sign up just because I wanted to help the band. I'm not the only one who will admit to wanting a bit of attention from them. Maybe a "thank you" once in a while, or something. Plus, I wanted to see if it would teach me what the music industry was all about (since I have an interest in going into it). I decided to join the "Official USA Street Team" as a moderator, which really just meant I had the password to the Twitter account and could make updates. I had no clue what I was doing. Only one of us did, I think. We tried getting word out about them, but the USA is a biiig place.

Anyways, time passed and there were rumors of fade coming over to the US in September, but it never happened. What did happen was that they got an official marketing manager. With her IMMENSE help, fade was able to come over and play at a charity show to raise money for the 3/11 Tohoku Earthquake/Tsunami Disaster in New York City. What's more, she asked if any ST moderators wanted to volunteer to help with the event. We just had to put bags together for sponsors, so it wasn't hard work. I traveled almost 5 hours on the day after Spring Break ended in order to see them. I was nervous as hell when I turned the corner, thinking about how crazy I was to be doing this.

The marketing manager was late, so I arrived first (and by myself). I ran into Noriyuki (bass) outside because I couldn't figure out how to get into the venue. After I told him my name, he said, "Oh, I think I recognize you from Twitter." He wasn't the only person to say it; once I got in, Ricky (one of the managers) said the same thing, and even Rui (the drummer) said he recognized my Twitter name. Ricky was probably my hero that afternoon; I was way too nervous to start conversations (and I didn't want to be in the way), but he took the time to introduce me to all of the band members and even some of the staff. My shyness kept me from talking. The only thing I was brave enough to ask Jon was, "Do you know the wi-fi password?" (Answer: he didn't)

Basically, that event was amazing and we were all thanked a lot of times by the band. I won't say it made me feel close to the band, but it definitely made me feel like I got to experience something that almost all of their other fans didn't.

So, fast forward to September, when I got to Japan. Actually, fill in that gap of time with a few Twitter conversations that assured me the band knew who I was, at least. Okay, now fast forward. Me and another ST mod happened to be studying in Japan at the same time, so we attended our first Japanese fade live as ST mods on a mission on September 22nd. (check out the post I made about it)

The most I was hoping for at that show was maybe a wave of acknowledgement, to get our stuff signed, and to be able to say goodbye. We got a lot more than that. Jon in particular was interested in talking to us overseas fans.

Each show I went to, something new happened that made me realize how lucky I was (and am) to be a fan of fade at this point and place in our paths. Each opportunity I got to talk with the band, they seemed more and more human to me. They also seemed more beautiful to me. (omg Shannon stop it you're such a drama queen)

There were countless times where I wished I could bridge the gap between fans and band members. It's not something that happens a lot in the States unless you're reeeeally famous, but there is a very, very defined boundary in Japan. Even though the band is made up of mostly foreign members, that doesn't change the fact that they are a Japanese band. So no matter how much I wanted to hang out with them for one day, just one day, it wasn't going to happen. And it won't happen. And I realize that. And it's okay with me. I struggled with it for a while -- went through all the stages of grieving -- and now I've finally accepted it.

I feel like this post isn't doing justice to how much they've changed my life since discovering them in 2012, but just trust me when I say I was not prepared for their concert on May 18th to be my last one. I took for granted that they would have a show in Tokyo every month, ignoring the fact that they had an album to record. After asking a couple of the members, though, they've confirmed there are no Tokyo shows for June (not 100% sure, I think, but it was enough to make me realize I had to say goodbye).

Before the tragic departure, I chatted with Jon at the merchandise table for a bit. We talked about Ozzfest and how awesome Tool and Stone Sour were. Then he recommended a TV show to me, because he knows we both like Game of Thrones and he thought I'd like it. How many bands do you know do stuff like that? Actually, the conversation was more like:

"I have a show for you to watch."
"What's it called?"
"Vikings."
"What's it about?"
"Vikings."

Yeah.

Incidentally, it is about vikings. I couldn't describe it better myself.

But, that's not the point of this post. That was just a bit of comic relief.

When I realized I had to say goodbye, I got to say goodbye to everyone (except Kansei - no hard feelings). They all thanked me, I started tearing up, Jon hugged me, and they all assured me that I'd probably see them again soon (whether it be in Japan or the States). But, they don't know that. I don't know that. No one knows that. I know I should be optimistic, but saying goodbye to them was like step 1 of saying goodbye to Japan for now. I haven't really been keeping it a secret that I'm not ready to go back to the States. I'm also not hiding the fact that I'm going to work my butt off this year so that I can come back to Japan as soon as I graduate in May. But, plans hardly ever work out the way you want them to.

I think saying goodbye to Jon was the hardest. I've never met someone so genuinely friendly. He likes talking to fans. He remembers them. He makes them and new fans feel welcome. He also has this spirit that never seems to wear down - or maybe he's just really good at hiding it. I respect him so much for all that he does and how he got to where he is now, and I hope that, someday, I can have even a fraction of the success he's had so far.

Of course, I respect all of the other band members immensely. Jon is just the member I had the most interaction with and felt closest to.

That's me and fade. It's way more than a band to me. I've gone to way too many of their shows (enough to get bored of some of the setlists), but they were all worth going to. I've met so many amazing people because of them. We call our "fandom" our "fade family," and it really feels like one. I've learned how to climb over the language barrier to communicate with people from all over the world, especially with Japanese fans. I'm going to try my hardest to arrange a meeting with them before I have to go back home. I even have a few more friends in the States, though they're miles and miles away.

I think that's all I want to say on here. This is one of the only times I'll use this as an actual blog (you know, where you vent your feelings and stuff), because I wanted everyone to know how important this band was and still is to me and how it has completely changed my study abroad experience in Japan.

...also because I don't want to do homework.

Going Off-Topic

This is a bit off the beat of my blog (and kind of personal), but I wanted to try sharing something I wrote a little while ago.
___

"Tell Me About Yourself"

I could tell you about how
I was the fastest typist in eighth grade,
Or how
I’ve been struggling with violin since I was 10
And with my self-expectations even longer
I could tell you there are
So many freckles on my skin that
I’ve never tried counting
Or how I sneeze
When the sun comes out
I could tell you I’m a Pisces
And as emotional as they come

Or
I could tell you how
My mother’s fire never goes out
Because she knows what it’s like to be cold
Or how
Half a globe
And a thirteen-hour time difference
Can’t stop my friend from touching my heart
I could tell you how
The plight of Kiki not being able to fly
Comforts me on lonely nights
Or how I find beauty in the pain
Of the lyrics penned by a worthless man
I could tell you
How
These people fed my heart
Mouthful by patient mouthful
Because I still haven’t learned
How to feed myself

—Shannon

Spring Break

This is going to be a reduced version because I don't remember what happened every single day of break. Sorry.

First of all, I'm sure a lot of you already noticed, but for the entire month of March, I decided to abstain from using social networking sites (SNS). It was inspired by an interview project I did with one of my Japanese friends on how Japanese people use SNS. We both realized how frequently we use it and, more importantly, how anxious we would feel if we couldn't use it. Including one other friends, the three of us decided to not use SNS for a month. It went a lot better than I thought. The first couple of days made me anxious because I thought I was missing a lot of important stuff. After that, though, I stopped worrying because I didn't know what I was missing. Ignorance is bliss.

Spring break was the end of my second term of classes. After finals, I had about a full month off. From March 6th-15th, I was back in the USA. I went for a few reasons: I missed my family, it was my sister's birthday, my older brother who lives in Oregon was also visiting, and (most importantly) it was my birthday.

Before I left for home, I mostly hung around ICU with friends. I also got a few souvenirs for family and friends at home.

I actually ended up spending the night in Haneda Airport. My flight was scheduled for 6:50AM, but since trains and buses don't run that early and a taxi is too expensive, I opted for camping out. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I had bad airport curry and alternately watched a movie and took naps. The plane ride was naturally the longest plane ride in the entire WORLD...but I survived. I still can't fall asleep on planes. I was super tired when I got to Boston around 9am.

My first thought when switching planes at JFK Airport in New York was "Why is everyone talking?" I had forgotten how much Americans talked...or maybe it's that I forgot just how quiet Japanese people were? It's reverse culture shock. I was also confused at how casual the security guards were being, joking with each other. Employees don't really talk in Japan, especially at high-security places like airports.

I also thought it was really funny that when I landed in Boston, even though there was a Starbucks right next to the gate where I got off, there was a sign right next to it that said, "Dunkin Donuts Around the Corner." I thought, "Yep...I'm definitely home." Hahaha.

The only other culture shock I experienced right away was, "The cars are so BIG," and, "Oh yeah...we drive on the right side here." It's a good thing I realized that right away, right?

Seeing my family was great. I really missed my niece and nephew. I was also excited to see my sister, who is expecting a baby boy in June! I got to see her new house and her puppies and I had a lot of fun. My older brother came home the same day as me, but he didn't get back until later in the day. He usually has a lot of plans with friends when he comes to visit, but this time, he mostly stayed around the house. I don't think anyone's complaining, haha.

I also got to visit my friends at UMass! A bunch of them just graduated, so I won't be able to see them next year. It was really, really nice to have a chance to see them. I got there the night of the 10th and stayed over my friend's dorm, then hung out with people for the majority of the 11th (my birthday!). I was sooo anxious about driving there, though. It had been about 6 months since I last drove, and over the summer, I got into a car accident. Everything was okay, though, haha. Remembering how to drive is like remembering how to ride a bike.

"Shannon, why weren't you home for your birthday?" you may be asking. My sister's birthday is the 13th, so we decided we'd celebrate both on the 12th. SO THERE.

Anyways, I got to see Kati!!! She was studying in Osaka last spring, so it was literally a year since I saw her.

Now she's going to be an ALT as part of the JET program. Hopefully I'll see her before she leaves in August. I'm gonna miss her. :( But I'm so proud of her and all of my Japanese major friends who are going to do awesome things next year!

That's all I'm going to say about going home.

As soon as I got back on the night of the 17th, I headed home and got back around midnight or so. I didn't get much time to sleep, though. I had a trip planned. From the 17th-20th, I was in Kobe and Osaka. I hopped on the Shinkansen in the morning and was there by noon. I met up with my friend from Kwansei Gakuin, whose dorm I also stayed in. She cooked me all sorts of yummy food. :D She showed me around Takarazuka, the area where she lives.

This is the view of the city from a park we went to.

Plum blossoms!

This is another view in the same place. It's a lot different from Tokyo, where everything is flat and there are buildings everywhere. I want to go back!

The next day, we did a bit more sightseeing before I went to see fade in Kobe. (Oh no, now you know my real inspiration for going there!) 

To tell you the truth, the tickets for the show were so cheap, and my desire to travel somewhere outside of Tokyo was so great at the time that I think it was justified. :P

On the 19th, I visited a friend I hadn't seen in over two years! He was an exchange student at UMass two years ago, and I wanted to hang out with him while I was in Kansai. He showed me Osaka Castle and around Shinsaibashi. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my camera with me that day. One day in Osaka wasn't enough. When I come back to Japan, I'm definitely going there for a longer stay.

My friend and I were supposed to go more places the next day, but I suddenly started feeling unwell. It started on the 19th and I tried to ignore it, but by the 20th, I felt really worn out. I was supposed to go back by night bus because I had a luncheon that I had to go to in Tokyo the next day, but I ended up taking the Shinkansen back. I realized I would probably feel horrible if I put myself through that. It was expensive, but I don't regret it. I ended up having a fever (which is rare for me - I NEVER get sick) for a couple of days after I got back and was generally sick for even longer.

I was upset at the timing of me getting sick, because, actually, the famous cherry blossoms had just started blooming! They bloomed ahead of schedule this year. I wanted to go out with friends and do 花見 (hanami - cherry blossom viewing that's more like eating and drinking under cherry blossoms), but I felt too sick. I dragged myself out for at least a day, though, because I had to see cherry blossoms at least once in my study abroad career. I rode my bike to Inokashira Park with my camera in tow.

Finally, I'll leave you with a view of the main entrance to ICU.

I've got a lot more pictures on Facebook, so go check them out (again)!

Spring break was pretty lazy after that. Classes came way too quickly.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask or leave comments!

Filler Post

Hey, everyone, it's been a reeeeeally looooong tiiiime, hasn't it?

I can't really pinpoint why I stopped blogging, exactly, but I want to make a renewed effort to keep up with this.

First, I want to change the layout. I'm trying to re-learn some HTML so I can make it all cool and professional-looking, haha.

Second, I'm not going to update. This is just a reminder to everyone that this blog shall not die!...(yet)

BUT,

Some things I will update on are things like:
OZZFEST 2013 (Japan's first OZZFEST)
Sakura
Spring break (going home to the US for a bit)
Osaka & Kobe
More concerts
New classes
etc, etc.

So, look forward to lots of updates!

I can't say when they'll happen exactly, because I'm trying to keep up with homework.

See yaaa!