This is just a list of things that require adjusting. I honestly didn't expect a lot of culture shock; this is more like LIFE shock.
-This is the furthest I've been from home. I don't know how much further you can get than halfway around the world. I have a few friends here that I met last year when they studied abroad at my university (and a couple of friends who came with me to ICU), but I definitely feel stranded in terms of the security of home. I grew up pretty sheltered, honestly. Even my home university is a 2.5 hour drive away from my home in New Hampshire. I'm still adjusting to that notion of being far away.
-This has been the biggest adjustment: I don't really know how to cook or how to shop for myself. My parents were the cooks in the house (admittedly, I could have stepped in any time and learned). My specialty is baking. At my home university, the dining hall was my haven. I knew how to make breakfast, but that was about it. Navigating an American grocery store, let alone a Japanese スーパー was overwhelming. I'm slowly but surely learning how to cook, even if it's simple stuff right now like grilled chicken with broccoli and rice; or pasta with home-made sauce. I'll ease my way in to Japanese cooking.
-Not having a car is crippling. At home, I drove everywhere. I would be terrified to even try learning how to drive in Japan, but I still feel lost. Luckily, we have bikes. Bikes are essential in Mitaka-shi unless you have a lot of money to burn on the bus (￥210 to Musashisakai station, one way) or a lot of time and energy to walk. The only downside to a bike is that you can only carry as much with you as will fit in your basket...or a backpack, if you're not me and actually smart enough to bring one with you.
-I'm still stuck in my English bubble. Most of the students on campus speak English really well. I'm a bit shier in Japanese than in English, so I've yet to make any Japanese friends besides my dorm-mates. That doesn't mean I want to stop being friends with English-speaking students; it just means I have to push myself.
-My class is hard. We were placed into classes in the Japanese Language Program (JLP) here according to a placement test given during the first week of orientation. 1, 2, and 3 are beginner levels; 4, 5, and 6 are intermediate; 7 and 8 are advanced. Once you finish advanced, you've completed JLP. I thought I would be placed into level 4, honestly, because my vocabulary is really weak even though I'm decent at learning grammar. "It would be really lucky if I got into level 5," I thought. When I looked at the placement results and found out I was in level SIX, I honestly panicked. I was way in over my head. For the first week of class, I hardly spoke and stumbled through pages of vocabulary I didn't know, all the while thinking my teacher was going to tell me I was supposed to be in level 5 this whole time. After a sleepless night (which makes me very emotional, if you don't know me that well yet), I went to class with that same fear and was called on twice to answer questions.
Another thing you should know about me is that I'm a bit of a crybaby. It doesn't take a lot to make me cry. It's my stress release, but it's also really annoying, because I can't articulate myself when I'm upset or I'll just start sobbing, even if it's not a big deal. So being called on to answer a question in the middle of all of my stress really hit a nerve and I walked out of class crying. I apologized to the teacher afterwards and asked (tearfully) if I could switch to Japanese 5, which she very kindly responded to and asked me to meet with her after lunch. I got the paperwork for the lower class and my teacher asked me if there was anything else I wanted to discuss before switching, but, still being upset, I couldn't say much. I went back and e-mailed her explaining how sorry I was and that I didn't want to give up, but dorm life was a lot harder and busier than I thought it was going to be and I didn't have any time to study.
This probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most of you. Why would you be this stressed out by classes? you're probably thinking. Wouldn't you want an easier class so you could spend more time enjoying Japan? Because I came here to learn, and I want to seize the chance of getting placed into a higher level to finish up my major at my home university more quickly. ICU operates on a trimester system, so if I (somehow) pass Japanese 6 and 7, I'll end the year with 8 and effectively complete the Japanese Language Program here.
After asking my teacher for advice, she ultimately left the decision up to me, saying she would take me back into J6 because she really did think my level was high enough to be in the class, even though I clearly wasn't at as high of a level as my classmates. Long story short, I'm in J6 now and I'm more comfortable because I know I'm actually supposed to be here now.
-Laundry is a bit different here. The washing machines are smaller and most people air-dry their clothes (which is COMPLETELY foreign to me). I also made the mistake of washing a red shirt with white clothes. I'm spoiled by the detergent brands I use in the US.
-INITIATION WEEK. This will be a separate entry, but it involved a lot of dancing, a lot of embarrassment/learning to laugh at yourself, and not nearly enough free time or sleep.
I just thought I should post this entry now because when people ask me, "How is Japan?" I've been responding with a simple, "Good," because it would take me too long to explain the ups and downs I've been having.
Adjusting to a new place can be a bitch. From reading your blog, I can already tell you know this, though. I'm not gonna pretend I even have an inkling of what you're going through right now; ajusting to a new home, completely changing your way of life, and learning a lot of little things you never thought would be a problem. It all can get taxing when thrown at you all at once.
ReplyDeleteWhen Courtney and I got our first apartment, the thrill of being on our own and getting to make all the decisions ourselves was great...for the first week or two. Soon after though, the novelty wears off, and some of the more unsettling thoughts start to creep through your mind in the middle of the night. Some of those thoughts manifested themselves into real problems, and we had to make tough choices on where our money was going to go; feeding ourselves, our pets, or paying rent (HINT: Rent and Pets came first, even if we went hungry a couple nights).
I won't say the apartment turned out to be a happy ending. When Courtney and I lost our jobs, we struggled to pay off the rent doing remedial tasks for cash. In the end though, we got evicted. My stomach never felt as empty as it did the moment I had to call our landlord and explain why we couldn't pay the rent. Add insult to injury, she seemingly didn't even care about our situation, and told us right after to have our things packed and out the door in three days (I didn't expect any charity, but sympathy could have been nice).
Despite all of this, I would have done it all over again. Part of those fears of living are what becoming an adult is about. I know Courtney and I felt it with the apartment, I KNOW your brother felt it when he found out he was having a child, and there is no doubt in my mind you are feeling it as well.
Enough negative talk, though. If there is one thing that can ease your mind at night, it's this:
You have a family willing to help you with any situation you may face, and friends who will support and cheer you on through every step of the way. And in all honesty, I don't think much help will be needed. You have a smart head on your shoulders, and have been more than prepared to hurdle this wall. Sure, there will be bumps and bruises upon landing, but lets not lose sight of the real accomplishment here.
You may feel alone, with no one there to help, but help is just a phone call and a cheap plane ticket away. If you start feeling the stress is too much, just remember you are doing what you love. Not many people get the opportunity to say that, so you'll feel great in the long-run.
Always willing to help, and your friend,
Ray