Scatterbrain

I'm just going to talk about what's been on my mind lately. It's kind of jumbled and not super happy since I'm typing this out as I think, so I apologize in advance! I just thought people would like to know what I mean when I you ask, "How's Japan?" and I say "Good!"

So, I've been trying to think of ways to spend my time lately when I'm not doing homework, but I keep ending up at my computer, alternating between checking Facebook, Twitter, and researching random things. My mind is really scattered lately and I feel like I can't let myself relax. I'm calling it OYR Syndrome (One-Year Regular Syndrome...that's what my status is listed as here, but it really just means I'm an exchange student). I'm so focused on the idea of, "I'm in Tokyo! I'm in Japan! I need to do ALL THE THINGS!" that I can't focus on anything besides wanting to do the things I want to do without actually having any direction. Even if I sit down and try to make a schedule, it doesn't work out because new things pop up or I suddenly don't want to do it anymore.

Don't get me wrong; I'm having a blast here and I'm experiencing a lot of new things. But what I'm aiming for on this whole study abroad trip is to push myself past my limits, whatever that may be in. I want to experience as much as possible in the time that I have. The problem is that there are too many things I want to experience and I end up frustrated with myself when I go through a week of schoolwork and realize I haven't actually made solid plans for the weekend. I mean, I can be spontaneous... I just like to have an idea of what to look forward to. I think that's why I've been going to so many concerts. The dates are set by someone else, so it's either "be there or be square," you know?

At my dorm meeting last night, we were told about a sheet we have to fill out regarding our travel plans over spring break (we have about 5 weeks off). I realized that I don't have any plans outside of going back to the states for 9 days. That means I have almost 4 other weeks to fill up. I have vague ideas of what I want to do, like go to Kyoto around cherry blossom time...but I haven't even sat down and researched yet. Whenever I think, "I'm going to sit down right now and look up ideas for places to go," five other things pop up in my mind that I should do or that I've been meaning to do.

The solution is probably to take a breath, slow down, and take a day to just think, but I don't really know when I'll be okay with that. I feel this sense of urgency that I always need to be doing something so that I can look back and say that I used my time in Japan to the fullest.

Like I said, I'm having fun and I'm fine. It's not like I'm sitting in my room having panic attacks or crying. I just thought it would be interesting to tell you guys about a side of studying abroad that's not always exciting.